Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
