We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
