Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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