she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
