You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
