I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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