bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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