we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
