no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just blew my weed a kiss
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
