You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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