do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
