Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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