How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
