Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
