i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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