No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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