and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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