with your own penis?
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
