I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize