i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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