I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
