Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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