But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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