I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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