I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
