I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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