READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
