I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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