i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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