just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
