i would punch a child for taco bell
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
