3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
