4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
