there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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