Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
