Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
