I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
