There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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