I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
