Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
