Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
