I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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