Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
