lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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