yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
