we're blogging at a bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
