No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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