i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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