wakey wakey hands off snakey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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