you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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