I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
