What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just pee around me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
