you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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