I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize