And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love you.
Bad choice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
