What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
