I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
