there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
