I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
