i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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