i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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