you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
