i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
