the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
