I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
