That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
