I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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