have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
