I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
