i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
