So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
