there's paper in my vomit.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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