i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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