Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
