Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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