Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
