My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
