Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
